The Art of Giving In.

How I am learning to stop fighting the universe and start chilling the fuck out.

Surrender isn’t a word I generally associate with my vocabulary. Surrender has always correlated in my mind to giving up, failing even, which is not something I like to do. I am more the “I rather die trying than let them see me sweat” kind of person. I have always felt like I had something to prove:

I had to show my dad I was worth adopting so he would love me like my siblings, I had to show my biological father I was worth knowing and coming back for, I had to convince my mom I was worth more than her addictions, I strived to be a societal standard of attractive, I had to be good kid despite my home life, I had to be smart enough so people would think I was incompetent, I had to get into college cause no one in my family ever had, I had to be a wife worthy of a good man, I had to be a Pinterest party mom, I had to prove I was still good after coming out, I had to make sound decisions, I had to prove my job wasn’t just a cute hobby, I had to keep smiling to show I was strong.

Yea, I know, I am exhausted by myself too.