Bienvenue à Montréal

Close up with some travel journal pages 💜

Sometimes the way I heal baby Jess is traveling. She wanted to get away.. run away honestly. I cannot express to you how much I dreamed of flying as a kid, til a laughable age. And I’m not talking in an airplane, like, my physical body just floating into the sky and going all the places I wanted to go.

Part of how I heal has always been going places. Change of scenery, change my perspective, get me out of my head and routine.

I do sometimes need a push. Be it my age, my general anxiety, having kids, whatever- can always find a reason “maybe we shouldn’t go”.

Deadlines, dishes, co-parenting schedule; sometimes I get stuck. Like when CDs would skip and just glitch until your CD player said error. I don’t want to disrupt the ecosystem. So, instead I just keep glitching until I implode.

But thank the universe I have a partner who catches my glitch, and skips to the next song. They know when I need to get out of my depression and my space, and breathe some different air.

One of my favorite moments from this trip is so simple seeming but so healing and loving in practice. Because of my AuDHD and my eating disorder new foods are very very hard for me. I love to try things but in the realm that I feel safe. Combine that with my childhood trauma fear of going without food and you have a quick and easy recipe of an overstim meltdown. Sarina really wanted to go to this Japanese BBQ place that looked exquisite as well as fun because you cook everything yourself in front of you. I was so hungry and so scared of *my stuff* getting in the way of them enjoying the experience. So, they walked me to an Italian place nearby. We sat at a tiny table for two listening to the different romance languages float through the air. They sat as I ordered and ate my way through three courses, sharing food, laughing with me, and making me feel deeply at ease. When I was done we walked back to the Japanese restaurant for our reservation. I happily sat and drank while they indulged. Because I was not sitting there with an empty stomach worrying about food textures or if I would go hungry, I actually was able to try some things at my own pace. They never pressured me, just let me take bites and bits as I felt comfortable. I’m so grateful for their ability to remind me to take up space and do what’s best for me. It’s a reminder I often need.

Keep collecting memories and moments,

xo jess